


won't let no one break your heart

by doc_pickles



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alex centric, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, a taylor swift lyric for a title again? must be a day that ends in Y, jolex, jolex fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27338065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doc_pickles/pseuds/doc_pickles
Summary: A case comes into Grey Sloan that rocks the Karevs world in more ways than one. Can Alex and Jo navigate the challenges and bad memories that come with it?
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Comments: 18
Kudos: 53
Collections: The Group Chat's Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay listen... I can genuinely say that this has NEVER happened to me before but I woke up a few weeks ago and I literally had dreamt up this fic idea. I got to writing right away, took a small break for Halloween, and now I'm back full force. I don't anticipate this being any longer than three or four parts, but I am really excited for it! 
> 
> Also super stoked because this is really my first Alex centric fic that I've written. I connect a lot more with Jo and her struggles, so writing from Alex's POV has been a really fun challenge for myself. 
> 
> Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this! Also shoutout to Lay for encouraging me and beta reading what I write so I know I'm not putting utter crap out into the world.
> 
> xoxo Nina

“Alex stop it! You always start things you can’t finish,” Jo’s giggles made her protests harder to take seriously as Alex continued to snake his hand under her scrub top. “Alex! Sto-ahh!”

A chuckle left Alex as Jo stopped her complaints, eyes closing as his lips moved up her neck and captured her lips. His hands continued their trail under her shirt, reaching right under her bra then stopping as he pulled back and smirked at Jo.

“What were you saying? You want me to stop?,” Alex pulled back, eyeing Jo as an unsatisfied groan left her. “I can keep going, only if you wa-”   
  
Alex’s sentence was cut off by his pager going off, vibrating loudly on his desk. Both he and Jo let out a groan as he stood to check the page.

“What did I tell you? We never finish what we start in here,” Jo fixed her top and walked over to Alex, pressing herself against his back. “Where are you off to now Chief?”

“ER, Hunt paged me a 911,” Alex turned around and kissed Jo chastely. “I’ll see you at home?”   
  
“I’m almost off, I’ll grab something for dinner,” Jo left the office, Alex trailing out not too long after and heading down to the ER. The room was bustling, but nothing seemed emergent enough to warrant his presence. 

“Hunt, you paged 911,” Alex found Owen easily enough, the other man handing him a chart that he flipped through quickly. “You got a possible broken collar bone? An intern could fix this.”

“Sadie Morris, 6 years old. Her dad brought her in, said she fell off the bed,” Owen gave Alex a pointed look, his shoulders deflated as he realized what Owen was saying to him. There was more than meets the eye to this case. “If you can check in, see what’s happening. You know how much I hate paperwork.”

Alex nodded, heading in the direction of the bed Owen had pointed out. When he arrived, he was met with a young girl staring up at him expectantly with her big blue eyes. For being six, she seemed much smaller than he’d anticipated, her blonde curls covering her shoulders and forehead in a ratty mess. Her shoulder was bright purple with a large bruise but she seemed unfazed by the pain the injury must be causing her.

“Hey Sadie, I’m Doctor Alex,” Alex offered the young girl a smile, but she didn’t return it. “I see you hurt yourself, how'd that happen?”   
  
“She fell off the bed, I already told the other doctor,” Alex turned his attention to the man next to Sadie, presumably her father. He had an angry scowl on his face and looked like he might punch Alex if he asked the wrong question or did the wrong thing. “Why’s it matter? Just fix her up so we can get out of here.”   
  
For a moment, Alex didn't feel like he was in Seattle anymore. The walls shifted and suddenly he was a few feet shorter, his own legs rhythmically hitting against the side of a gurney as he waited for a doctor to fix his broken wrist or bruised ribs or a concussion. And it wasn’t Sadie’s dad yelling at some poor doctor, it was his own strung out father yelling at someone for asking too many questions. The memory left a bad taste in his mouth as Alex shook his head, clearing it from his vision.

“Sorry, they didn’t note that in her file,” Alex shrugged, as if his question was an innocent mistake. He spared a quick look at Sadie before turning back to her father. “There’s actually some paperwork that needs to be filled out if you want to go to the front desk and do that. It’ll get you out of her quicker.”   
  
The man grumbled, but left a few seconds later. Alex turned back to Sadie, reaching out to fully examine the injury to her collarbone, “So Sadie, how'd you really hurt yourself? Was it an accident?”

Sadie waited a beat before shaking her head, eyes floating to her hands instead of meeting Alex’s. As he took in her injuries and mannerisms, it was clear to him that this wasn’t the first time Sadie had been in this type of situation. 

“I’m okay, I promise. Daddy was just angry that I broke a dish,” the answer hurt Alex, knowing the young girl was trying to protect the very person that had hurt her. “Do I need another cast?”   
  
“No cast today, just a brace for your neck,” Alex met Sadie’s eyes, his voice low and calm as he spoke to her. “If you ever get hurt again, you come here and ask for me okay? I can help you.”   
  
Sadie only responded with a nod, but the way she looked up at Alex with the smallest glimmer of hope in her eyes told him that she took his words to heart. Not a moment later Sadie’s dad reentered the room. His dark eyes looked between Alex and his daughter before turning his attention fully to Alex, “Did you fix her? Can we leave now?”   
  
“She’s gonna need a neck brace and rest for at least two weeks, I’ll have someone come in with that and some discharge instructions,” Alex glanced as Sadie once more before leaving the room, a heavy sigh leaving him as he ran a hand over his face.

“Just as bad as I thought, huh?”   
  
Alex looked up to Owen, nodding as he relayed his interaction with Sadie to the other man, the two quickly coming up with a plan in case the little girl made a reappearance. Alex knew from one too many trips to the ER of his own that her dad was probably taking her to different hospitals to draw less attention, but he prayed that the man would slip up just once so he’d have a real chance to help Sadie out.

+

Three hours after leaving Sadie, Alex pulled himself through the door of the loft with a groan. He toed his shoes off and set them by the door, making a beeline for Jo who was laid out on the couch. Upon seeing him, a smile spread across his wife’s face as she moved over to make more room for him.

“Long day baby?,” Jo’s voice soothed some of the tension in Alex’s body as he laid his head in her lap, her fingers immediately moving to comb through his hair.

“Yeah, I had a shitty case when I answered Hunt’s page,” Alex let his eyes close as he relayed Sadie’s story to Jo. “I just wish I could do more to help her, she’s just like I was, you know? But me? I got lucky, I got out and I fought back. What if she doesn’t get that chance?”

“You are an amazing doctor and such a caring man, I think if she’s in trouble, she’ll come back. You made her feel safe, we both know how much that means to someone in her shoes,” Jo pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead, her fingers running down his arm to run across the silver band on his hand. “You are going to be such a good dad.”   
  
Alex grinned, looking up to Jo whose eyes were watery as she smiled at him. He scanned her face, quickly taking in her emotional state and the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, “You know normally you end that sentence with ‘someday’. You're going to be a good dad  _ someday _ .”

“You’re right, I do… normally,” a grin spreads across Jo’s face as Alex sits up, hands cupping her cheeks. 

“Are you pregnant?”

Jo nodded, the tears in her eyes finally flowing as Alex brought her in for a deep kiss. When they pulled apart, both of them were laughing softly as Jo spoke again, “I got home and kinda had a freak out and took six tests. There’s definitely a baby in there.”

  
Emotion overtaking him, Alex let his fingers wander to Jo’s stomach where they brushed under her shirt to touch the bare skin.  _ He was going to be a dad, there was another person who was depending on him now.  _ Remembering the disastrous afternoon he’d had, Alex silently promised the child in his wife’s womb that he would protect them no matter what, that he’d never be like his own father.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> morning folks! i was going to wait until wednesday to post this, but personally i’m feeling a lot of anxiety surrounding today and the future of america so i figured this would be a nice little pick me up. stay safe, go vote, and do things today to keep your mental health safe!

“You have a bump.”   
  


“Mmm don’t say that, that means I’m getting fat.”

Jo and Alex were laying in bed, enjoying a rare lazy Saturday that they both had off. Alex’s fingers splayed across the slight swell of Jo’s stomach, his lips pressing slow kisses across her shoulder. They had a lot that they should be doing, they were moving to a new house next week, but both were too content in the other’s arms to make any move to leave. 

“I like it,” Jo laughed as Alex’s lips pressed against her neck, the stubble on his face tickling her. “Makes you look sexy.”   
  
“You sound like a caveman,” Jo turned around, lips meeting Alex’s as his hands continued to roam her body. Alex’s phone rang out from the nightstand, a groan leaving Jo as she attempted to pull him closer again. “No, hell no. I’m not doing this again, tell whoever it is that the Chief is off duty and his wife desperately needs to get laid.”

Alex blindly grabbed for his phone and answered it, one arm still wrapped around Jo as she curled into his side, “Karev.”

“It’s Hunt, I need you to come down here.”   
  
“Give it to literally anyone else, this is my first day off in weeks. I gotta pack this place up and my wife will kill me if I leave,” Alex swatted at Jo’s hand that was sneaking beneath the covers and trying to distract him. “Jo, knock it off.”   
  
“You know I wouldn’t call you unless it was an emergency.”

“Owen, come on-”   
  
“You remember that girl with the collar bone?”   
  
Alex bolted upright in bed, eyes wide as his heart began to hammer loudly, “Sadie? Is she there?”   
  
“Yeah and she won’t let us treat her, she keeps asking for you.”   
  
“Okay, I’ll be there in 15,” Alex hung up the phone and looked to Jo, who was already pulling on a sweater. “God damn it.”   
  
“Hey, what’d I tell you,” Jo came to stand in front of Alex, her hands coming to run through his hair as he leaned his head against her. “She trusts you, you did the right thing. Get dressed and I’ll drive down there.”   
  
15 minutes later, Jo and Alex rush through the doors of the ER. Owen spots them immediately, a sigh coming from him as he makes a beeline for the couple, “She came in with multiple contusions across her face and torso. We got a portable xray to confirm a couple broken ribs, but she wont let us do anything else.”

Alex and Jo both peeked into the room that Sadie was settled in, the sight before them not a pretty one. He hadn’t seen her in over two months, but she looked like a shell of the girl he’d met before. Her blonde curls were matted with blood and her right cheek was swollen and purple. Alex felt his blood boil as he stared at her, wondering how someone could hurt an innocent little girl.

“Dad brought her in, but PD came and took him into custody,” Owen sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “We haven’t made a call to CPS yet, I was waiting until we could examine her.”

Alex stared helplessly at Sadie, knowing that she was going to get thrown into the system just like he and Jo had. His wife’s voice broke his train of thought, her calm demeanor helping level him a bit, “I’m gonna go up to your office and call CPS, you take care of her.”   
  
Jo pressed a kiss to his cheek before walking off, Owen clapping him on the back telling him he’d send someone down to examine Sadie after he talked to her. Alex stood alone in the hallway for a moment, his mind reeling as a hundred different thoughts buzzed through his head. 

Sadie was about to endure the same crappy childhood he had, being bounced around to different homes that were only there to collect a check. A kid like her, a good kid, shouldn’t have to go through that. Sadie deserved a mom and a dad who loved her and tucked her into bed every night. People who would help her with homework and teach her to ride a bike and keep her safe. Alex thinks his heart breaks for the little girl because he’d been put through hell when he was only a bit older than her, but he knows deep down that the knowledge of his own impending fatherhood has softened his heart as well. 

Alex finally took a deep breath and walked into Sadie’s room, the girls eyes lighting up as soon as she saw him, “I asked for you when we got here, I came to find you Doctor Alex just like you told me.”   
  


A sigh leaves him then, a small smile lighting his face up as he comes to sit on the edge of Sadie’s bed. She immediately crawls over to him, settling herself into his lap and curling up like she’d done it before, “I’m glad you asked for me Sadie, do you think we can get some nice doctors in here to make sure you’re okay?”   
  
“Will you stay here with me?,” the blue eyes that look up at Alex tug relentlessly at his heartstrings, the little girl looking to him like he was the only person in the world that could help her. “Please Doctor Alex?”   
  
“I’ll stay here, don’t worry Sadie,” Alex saw Meredith lingering in the doorway, a grin appearing on his face as he noticed his best friend. “Sadie, this is my best friend Doctor Meredith, can she take a look at you?”   
  
With another assurance that he wasn’t going anywhere, Sadie let Meredith and Schmitt examine her while Alex told her a story about Jo accidentally washing her car keys that she’d left in her pants. The story makes the little girl giggle, but the look on Meredith’s face doesn’t bode well with him.

“She’s got a punctured lung I’m pretty sure,” Meredith’s voice is low as she meets Alex’s worried eyes. “And I’m worried about damage to her kidney, I want to get her up to an OR as soon as possible.”   
  
Alex runs a hand over his face in exasperation, head reeling as he took in Meredith’s words. He was a doctor, he knew that Sadie’s injuries were minor for the amount of damage she’d endured, but he was still angry and upset about the circumstances that led her there. He’d found himself fiercely protective of the young girl that he’d met by chance, everytime she looked up to him with her bright eyes his heart fell deeper for her.

“I’ll break the news, you book an OR,” Alex nodded at Meredith, turning back to Sadie with a sad smile. “Hey Cass, Doctor Meredith wants to help fix up your owies. It might be a little scary but she’s the best doctor in this whole hospital.”

Sadie pauses for a moment, eyes scanning Alex before she speaks up, “Even better than you?”

“Yes,” Alex chuckles, happy to see a small smile on the little girl's face. “Way better than me. She’s gonna take good care of you.”

An hour later, Meredith is rolling Sadie down to the OR, Alex by her side. They reach the doors and Alex looks down at the girl he’d become so attached to, “Alright kiddo, this is as far as I go. But I’ll be here when you wake up okay?”

“Can you find Molly for me? I miss her,” Alex furrows his brows, Sadie clearly not willing to reveal more to him. Working in Peds for so long, he knew that she was probably talking about a stuffed animal or a blanket, but she seemed genuinely concerned about the matter. “Please?”

“I’ll find Molly, you just worry about getting better,” Alex squeezed Sadie's hand once more before letting Meredith wheel her away. He stands in the hallway for a few more minutes before heading up to his office. 

Sadie would be fine, her surgery was relatively easy and Meredith of all people was doing. But after that, then what? What would happen after Sadie had recovered and she was shipped off to a foster home and treated just the same as she was at home with her own father? The system would chew her up and spit her out, it’s what had led him to being thrown in juvie and had led his wife to living in her car and dumpster diving for dinner. He didn’t want to imagine a future like that for such an innocent child like Sadie, but it was a reality that was playing out before his eyes that he felt helpless to change. 

Finally arriving back at his office, Alex couldn’t help the grin that plastered itself onto his face at the state he found his wife in. She was sitting on his couch, eyes struggling to stay open as she rubbed the back of the toddler resting on her chest. He had no clue where the little girl had come from but seeing Jo cradling her so gently made his heart burst. 

“Hey, how’s Sadie doing,” Jo perked up a bit as Alex came to sit next to her, his arm slinging around her shoulder as he pulled her into his side.

“Mer just took her into surgery, she’ll be fine though,” Alex looked to the little girl in Jo’s arms, taking in her delicate features and dark curls for a moment. “Where’d you get this one from? You stealing kids from the Peds floor now?”   
  
Jo let out a light laugh, shaking her head as she rested it against Alex’s shoulder. Her fingers brushed back some of the stray curls from the little girl’s face, a contented sigh leaving her as she snuggled further into Jo, “This is Sadie’s sister Molly, I was on the phone with CPS when Owen brought her up. Apparently when PD went to sweep their house, they found her all alone crying her eyes out. She was still pretty shaken up when she got here, but I finally got her to settle down. Poor baby reeks of drugs, they found a whole storehouse in the garage.”

So this is who Sadie was so insistent on him finding. Both girls were so young, way too young to be dragged through the shit that they’d already been subjected to. Alex watched his wife and the way she stared at Molly with tears in her eyes. He knew that her mind was going to the same place that he had, thinking of the way both of these girls would be tossed around the foster care system with no regard for their well being. Hell, there wasn’t even a guarantee that the two sisters would stay together through the tumultuous process. 

“Hey, they’re gonna be just fine, I’m gonna do my best to guarantee that,” Alex pressed a kiss to Jo’s forehead, holding her close. “They’re not gonna go through what we did.”   
  
A knock on the office door breaks the quiet moment, Alex leaping up to answer it as Jo gently shushes the toddler who’d stirred momentarily at the noise. Opening the door, Alex is met by an older woman who stares him down apprehensively, “I was told I could find Doctor Karev here. I’m Martha Lewis from CPS.”   
  
Alex opened the door wider, gesturing for the woman to come inside, “I’m Doctor Karev, this is my wife… also Doctor Karev… Please call us Alex and Jo.”   
  
Martha settled into one of the chairs across from Jo on the couch, eyeing her and Molly as she pulled a manila envelope from her bag, “Is that Sadie or Molly Morris?”

“This is Molly, Sadie just went into surgery a little while ago,” Jo relayed the information, hand tightening against Molly’s back as Martha looked back up at her. “Umm Alex knows more about that than I do. I was the one who called CPS down here, I’ve been with Molly since she arrived.”   
  
Watching his wife’s nervous energy, Alex seated himself on the arm of the couch and settled one hand on her shoulder before turning back to Martha, “Sadie had a lot of surface level injuries including a few broken ribs, but she went into surgery for a punctured lung and possible kidney damage. We’ll know more when she comes out, but she’s in good hands for now.”   
  
“I’ll need detailed charts and instructions for her post operative care, we’ll need to forward them to her foster parents,” Martha’s eyes were trained on the papers in front of her, not seeing the worrisome look that appeared on both Alex and Jo’s faces. “Molly will be going to a home tonight, do you know if she has any belongings with her?”   
  
“Wait hold on, are you going to separate them? You can’t do that,” Jo’s voice was frantic as she sat up, eyes moving from Martha to Alex, who looked just as upset as she did. “They’re six and two, they’re not going to do well in the system alone, they need each other.”   
  
Martha finally looked to Jo and Alex, her expression bored as if she’d had this same conversation a hundred times before, “They are going to separate homes, they don’t have any family members and there’s zero chance of their father regaining custody. Not many people want two young girls on their hands, especially ones that have been in and out of the system before.”

Alex looked from Martha down to Molly, who’s wide green eyes had opened and were blinking up at him in confusion. He thought about Sadie, who was lying on an operating table repairing damage that her father had inflicted on her and about Molly, who was so young that she probably didn’t even know what was happening. He couldn’t let them go through this, not when he had the chance to fix things. 

“How long would it take for us to get certified to foster,” Alex’s eyes whip up to Jo, her teeth nervously biting her lip as she pleads with the woman across from them. “We’re moving into a new house this week, we have more than enough room.”   
  
A heavy sigh left the older woman as she glared at the two doctors sitting in front of her, “Even if I wanted to-”

“Sadie’s going to need medical attention when she comes home from the hospital, we’re doctors we know what we’re doing,” Alex cuts Martha off before she can speak again, voice sounding just as desperate as Jo’s had. “And she won’t be out of here for awhile, she’s going to need to recover from her surgery. We’ll take them both, at least until you can find someone else willing to take both of them.”   
  
Jo and Alex finally meet each other’s eyes, the silent conversation that happens between them fast and simple. They wanted this, they both wanted to help Sadie and Molly if they could, even if it was just for a little while. 

“If you’re serious, I’ll forward a recommendation through for you, but it won’t go through for at least three weeks,” Martha looked back to the file in her hands, closing it resolutely. “Molly will have to go to another placement tonight, which means I’ll be taking her now. If you two are approved, she’ll come back to you.”   
  
Martha has Alex sign paperwork for Sadie’s case, detailing what he knew already and what he’d surmised from her last visit in the ER as well. Jo entertained Molly while they finished things up, the little girl giggling away in her arms as they played. When Alex was done, the older woman packed up everything again and gestured for Jo to hand Molly over.

“I’ll have someone contact you for a home inspection and other paperwork to get you certified, in the meantime you’ll need to keep the agency updated on Sadie’s condition until she’s released from the hospital,” Martha settled Molly onto her hip, the little girl instantly reaching her hands out to Jo and whining for her. “Come on dear, let’s get going.”   
  
Martha and Molly leave then, Jo not even bothering to conceal the tears that are flowing from her eyes as the little girl cries out and continues to try to reach for her. Alex pulls Jo into his arms, one hand coming up to stroke her hair as he holds her, “Hey it’s okay, she’ll be back soon. We’re gonna figure this out, it’s okay.”   
  
Jo sniffles, watery eyes coming up to meet Alex’s, “We’re insane.”   
  
“I know, but there’s no one else I’d rather be insane with,” Alex’s hand moves from Jo’s back to her growing bump, a grin coming up on his cheeks as a thought forms in his head. “You know, depending on how long the girls are with us we could have three kids in the house.”   
  
The remark finally pulls a laugh from Jo as she leans up to press a kiss to Alex’s lips. her hands pressing against his sweatshirt, “Yeah maybe we won’t do that. But we can keep them for a while, as long as it takes to find someone for them, right?”   
  


“Absolutely,” Alex nods as he and Jo begin to walk out of his office. “They’ll be in good hands.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the group chat made me post this today so everyone say thank you group chat

Two and a half weeks had passed quickly from the day Sadie had her surgery. She’d done well, just as Alex had expected, and was loving staying in the hospital. She had the nurses wrapped around her finger and Jo and him came to visit as often as they could. They’d both decided to keep her there as long as they could, knowing that if she was released she’d end up in a home that wasn’t theirs since they hadn’t been approved to foster yet. But the decision had ended up working out well, giving them time to bond with Sadie and giving her time to heal properly. 

Molly had been brought by to visit once a few days after Sadie’s surgery, her foster family seemingly nice enough but overwhelmed with three other children at home. The visit had done wonders for both girls and Molly had snuggled herself into Jo’s chest once again, chubby fingers poking at her expanding belly. The three girls laughing and joking together had made Alex happier than he cared to admit, his burdened mind lightening as he watched Jo singing some silly song to them. 

If he were honest, he wasn’t sleeping well. Something about Cassie and Molly not being in their home induced a sense of anxiety in him, a problem that he’d never before faced. He knew that they weren’t his and Jo’s children, knew that when they did come to stay with them it would only be temporary, but the thought of the two helpless girls going to sleep by themselves every night didn't sit right with him. 

“Go back to sleep,” Jo’s fingers are in his hair, pulling him out of his daydream as she cuddles up behind him. “Or you can come over here, I wouldn’t say no to that.”

Alex turns to face Jo, a smirk lighting up his face as his fingers brush against her cheek. As she entered her second trimester, Jo’s hormones had left her nauseousness behind in favor of a higher than normal sex drive. Alex couldn’t complain, he loved this new side of his wife that he got to enjoy, “Mmm was last night not enough to satisfy you?”   
  
Jo’s retort was cut off by the doorbell ringing through the house, the sound eliciting a whine from Jo as Alex rolled out of bed, shrugging on his sweatpants and a shirt, “You know this is getting really old, I’m tired of getting interrupted when things get good.”   
  


“Oh quiet, I’ll be back in a minute,” Alex padded down the hallway to the stairs, taking them two at a time in an attempt to get whoever was there out of his hair sooner rather than later. When he opened the door though, Alex was so shocked that he couldn’t form any words. 

“Your paperwork went through,” Martha Lewis stood on Alex’s doorstep, Molly cuddled into her shoulder. “Until we find another placement for them, she’s all yours. They both are.”

“Alex? Who’s at the door,” Jo’s voice sounds from the top of the stairs, Alex turning to look at her as he moves to the side. A gasp leaves her, one hand coming to cover her mouth as she stands unmoving from her spot. “Oh my god…”

“Jo! Jojo, come,” Molly’s small voice is all it takes for Jo to come down the stairs, the little girl practically jumping from Martha’s arms to Jo’s awaiting ones. “Jojo!”

Jo meets Alex’s eyes over Molly’s shoulder, her eyes shining with tears as she looks up at her husband, “For real? She’s really here? I’m not just having a really vivid dream, right?”

He nods, looking to Martha again. She gives him a slight nod, handing Alex a small bag and letting the couple know she’d check on them soon. He barely registers her leaving, his eyes trained on Jo and Molly who are already giggling at each other. 

“Well, now we just have to get your sister here,” Alex’s words bring both girls’ eyes up, green and hazel blinking up at him as he spoke. “For now though, how about waffles?”

After eating breakfast and taking a bath, Molly was lying in bed with Jo, content as could be while she read a book to her. The few clothes she’d had in her bag were all in desperate need of a wash, so the little girl was dressed in one of Jo’s shirts that hung loosely on her little body. The view was perfect, Alex thought as he stood in the doorway, it was exactly what he’d always pictured for him and Jo. She was cradling her growing stomach, fingers tracing lazy patterns over the curve as she changed her voice for the different characters in the book. Molly’s head was resting on her shoulder, her own fingers tapping out a rhythm on Jo’s belly as she listened intently to the story. It was just missing one thing… 

“I’m gonna run to the hospital, I shouldn’t be too long,” Alex came out of the bathroom fully dressed, kissing Jo and Molly on the forehead as he made his way out of the room. “I put the carseat in your car, in case you need it while I’m gone.”

Jo nodded to him, calling out a quick goodbye that Molly echoed before both girls turned back to the book in front of them. The two were so alike, it was almost scary. If it weren’t for her emerald green eyes and pale skin, Alex might think that Molly was really his wife’s child. 

The drive to the hospital was quick, Alex waving at a few familiar faces as he made his way to the Peds ward. He checked over Sadie’s file quickly before entering the little girls room with a smile, “Hey there kiddo.”

“Alex! I missed you,” Sadie was clambering across the bed to hug Alex tightly as soon as she saw him, blue eyes glowing brightly as she looked up to him. “You don’t normally come on Saturdays.”

“You’re right, but I’m here for a special reason. What do you say we get you out of here,” Sadie’s eyes widened as she stared blankly at Alex. “You’re all better, we can get you home today if you want to.”

Sadie shook her head, Alex staring at the little girl in confusion. He thought for sure she’d be excited at the prospect of getting out of the hospital, “I don’t wanna go home, please don’t make me go home.”

A heavy sigh left Alex as he began to understand Sadie’s reluctance to leave. She thought she was going home to her dad, not somewhere where she’d be taken care of. Alex and Jo hadn’t told her that she’d be coming to them since they hadn’t officially been approved to foster and didn’t want to get her hopes up. 

“Hey, you’re not going back home. You get to come home with me,” Sadie looked shocked as she looked at Alex, not understanding his words fully. “You get to come stay with me and Jo and guess what? Molly’s already there waiting for you.”

“Molly’s at your house?,” Sadie’s face was scrunched up in confusion as she tried to make sense of what Alex was telling her. 

“Yup and you get to come too. How does that sound,” Alex watched Sadie nervously, as if her saying no would break him in half. 

Finally after a long pause Sadie nodded, her blue eyes shining with an enthusiasm that Alex hadn’t seen from her before, “Okay, we can get out of here.”

An hour later Alex had successfully gotten Sadie discharged, the little girl waving at all of the nurses on the Peds floor as she sat on his hip. He didn’t think he’d ever been this happy, Sadie chattering on about everything her and Molly would do when they got home. A small part of Alex hoped that his own child would be a girl so he would be able to hear the laughter and cheerfulness that Molly and Sadie brought with them. 

He pushed the bittersweet thought to the side as he strapped Sadie into her car seat, not wanting to remember the fact that the girls were only temporary figures in their home. 

Alex and Sadie arrived home not long after leaving the hospital, the young girl bouncing with excitement as they walked up the front steps. The duo entered the house, Alex calling out for Jo and Molly who appeared at the top of the stairs. Molly was all but glued to Jo’s hip, only making a move to leave when she saw Sadie. She shrieked happily the whole way down the stairs, Jo pasting a small smile on her face as Molly jumped from her arms to envelop her sister in a hug. 

Seeing the sisters reunite and immediately begin playing with each other confirmed for Alex that they’d made the right decision in keeping the two together. Turning to Jo, he expected to find her just as excited as he was, but instead found her with tears in her eyes as she bit her lip harshly, “Hey, what’s wrong? Both girls are here and they’re gonna stay here until there’s a good home waiting for them.”

“Somethings wrong with the baby,” Jo finally moved her gaze from her feet up to Alex. She looked terrified, glassy eyes blinking away tears to no avail. “Molly and I were laying in bed and my stomach started cramping. Everything was fine and now it’s not and I-”

Alex placed his hands on Jo’s shoulders, meeting her eyes in an attempt to calm her down, “Hey hey, it’s okay, take a deep breath. Where’s the pain at?” 

“It doesn’t hurt, it’s just crampy and it’s right here,” Jo placed Alex’s hand on the side of her stomach, tears falling down her cheeks as she leaned her head against his chest. “I’m such a bad mom, our baby isn’t even here and I suck.”

“Is that what you felt earlier?,” Alex asked, Jo nodding a yes as a small laugh left him. “Jo, that’s just the baby moving. I can feel it from the outside, that’s a good sign.”

Jo shook her head, looking back to Alex with a frown, “No there’s something wrong, that’s not just…”

Her words stop as a particularly hard kick hits Alex’s hand, Jo’s eyes now blown wide as she stares at him in awe. 

“Jojo, what’re you doing,” Sadie’s voice pulls Jo out of her daze, the observant six year old noticing Alex’s hand on her bump. She places her own tiny hand next to Alex’s, laughing when another kick hits in the same spot. “The baby’s moving! It kicked my hand!”

A watery laugh left Jo as she realized that Alex was right and the feeling had really just been their baby squirming around inside of her. She grinned up at him, eyes shining with joy, “You know this means Molly felt the baby before you.”   
  
“I’ll let her have this one,” Alex laughed, leaning down to kiss Jo.

+

_ There was screaming in the next room, horrible words being tossed around and accusations that held no truth but still hurt to hear.  _

_ “Don’t you get near those kids!” _

_ After that, the sound of flesh hitting flesh rung out, a muffled cry following it. The sounds continued like that for a few minutes before silence overtook the house.  _

_ “That’s what you get you dumb bitch.” _

_ The sound of glass shattering and a terrified scream sent Alex diving under the covers as he prepared for the worst. He knew when things started breaking that nothing good would follow.  _

_ “Alex! Alex!” _

Alex sat straight up in bed, sweat drenching his body as he attempted to regulate his ragged breaths. A soft hand settled onto his back, reminding him that he wasn’t a scared kid hiding from his dad anymore. Turning to his left, Alex met Jo’s concerned eyes as her free hand came up to brush his damp hair away from his forehead. 

“I'm right here babe, it’s okay,” Jo’s soothing voice instantly caked Alex’s hammering heart as he leaned into her embrace. “You’re okay, it’s all okay. It was just a nightmare.”

He knew why his nightmares had come, knew that walking Sadie and Molly through their troubled realities would inevitably bring his own childhood to the forefront of his mind. Alex hadn’t realized how difficult things would be for him mentally, but Jo had been a great support to him. 

If they were honest, the three weeks that Sadie and Molly had been with them were tough on all four people in the household. The first few nights that they’d been together, Sadie and Molly had both woken up with nightmares that dragged them to Jo and Alex’s bed. The nightmares had died down, but both of the girls showed signs of emotional distress at the simplest of things that would set them off. 

Jo had reduced her hours at work to spend more time with the girls, but was struggling keeping up with two rambunctious children while growing one of her own. Alex’s time as Chief was coming to an end, something he was shockingly thankful for since it allowed him to help Jo out with the girls more. Martha still hadn’t found a family willing to take both girls, but even with their challenges Jo and Alex couldn't find it in themselves to complain. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Alex pressed a kiss into Jo’s hair, one hand running down her back. “I know you haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I was already up, your son has been using my bladder to practice his soccer skills,” Jo swung her legs off the bed, groaning as she padded to the bathroom. “He must be more Karev than Wilson since he’s already a pain in the ass.”

Alex couldn’t help but be amazed at how well his wife had adjusted to pregnancy. She never complained about the aches and pains through her changing body, instead informing him how big their son was that week or silently moving his hand to feel the movements that stretched across her stomach. 

_ Their son.  _

Alex and Jo had found out just a few days beforehand that they were expecting a little boy. The thought still terrified him, that his son would arrive and he’d find some way to screw him up just as bad as his dad had done for him. He knew that with Jo by his side though, she wouldn’t let him fail in the same ways that his own father had. 

A quiet knock on their bedroom door pulls Alex out of his thoughts as he moves to find out which little girl is up at midnight looking for him. When he pulls the door open, he’s pleasantly surprised to see both Molly and Sadie waiting for him. 

“Come here you two, before Jo gets back and sees you,” the girls begin to giggle as Alex picks them up and tucks them into the large bed, both of them ducking underneath the covers as they hear Jo exit the bathroom. 

“Hmm I guess I should crawl back in bed now,” Jo raises her eyebrows at Alex, who shrugs as he feigns confusion. “I hope my husband didn’t let any sneaky little girls into our bed while I was gone.”

Jo walked around the bed and pulled back the covers, Sadie and Molly bursting into a fit of giggles as soon as they’d been caught. Jo smirked at them, not being able to hide her excitement about having them both near her, “You can stay, but you gotta make room for me in here. I’ve got a little man here who won’t hesitate to kick you if you get too close.”

At Jo’s words, Sadie immediately scoots closer to her side, both of her palms splaying across her bump as she settles into the bed. She waits a moment before a kick hits her tiny hand, a laugh coming from her as she looks up to Jo, “He kicked me! Baby brother kicked my hand again!”

Alex and Jo met each other’s eyes over the girls heads, both of them wearing shocked expressions at the words that Sadie had so casually slipped out. Unfazed by the happenings around her, Sadie curled into Jo, her head resting against her chest. Jo watched as Molly did the same to Alex, her chubby fingers clutching at his shirt as her eyes closed easily. 

Watching the look on her husband's face, Jo shook her head with a small smirk, “Alexander Karev, absolutely not. We agreed.”

“I know, I know,” a grin lit up Alex’s face as Sadie’s hand reached up to caress Jo’s cheek, her own hand coming up to instinctively grab the little girl and kiss her palm. “Just thinking…”

“Well stop, that’s what got me knocked up,” Jo raised her eyebrows at Alex, who struggled to stifle his laugh as Molly burrowed further into his chest. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllooooo friends!! Another chapter in the books!! I have some editing to get done with the next few chapters so I’m not entirely sure when we’ll see them but it’ll be worth the wait!!

“Have the girls been adjusting well?”   
  
“As well as they can be. Things have gotten better over the last few weeks.”

Jo and Alex sat in an empty conference room on the Peds floor with Martha, who was doing a check in with them. The girls had been with them for two months now, all four of them getting more and more used to their new living situation. Sadie had started back at school three weeks ago and Molly had adjusted quickly to the hospital daycare.

“You know, as of three days ago Sadie and Molly are officially wards of the state. Dad was let out on bail and OD’d within 12 hours of being released. Mom passed shortly after Molly was born,” Martha glanced up at Jo and Alex, who were both wearing shocked expressions. “Have you two thought about adopting? Both girls seem very attached to you and they’re both thriving. Sadie’s teacher said this is the most focused she’s been all school year.”   
  
“Ummm we hadn't considered it actually,” Jo’s words come slowly, the shock on her face speaking for her. “We’re expecting a little boy in three and half months, taking on two more wasn’t really in the cards.”   
  
“Well you two have been doing an excellent job regardless,” Martha packed her bag up and stood to leave. She turned back to Jo and Alex, who were still sitting there stunned, a smirk on her face. “Think about it, it might be good for you and for them.”   
  
Alex’s mind whirled as he processed Martha’s words. Sadie and Molly had fit so easily into his and Jo’s routine that sometimes he forgot their arrangement was temporary. Both girls were beyond excited for the newest addition, always giving them new suggestions for baby names. (Molly’s favorite was currently Pinecone while Sadie’s was Elsa.)

If he was being honest, Alex would admit that he had considered adopting the girls more than once. The way that Sadie and Molly cuddled into his side on early Saturday mornings and how his wife always made sure to tuck them in no matter how tired she was cemented in his mind that the girls belonged with them. He knew Jo didn’t see eye to eye with him, but he also knew that a lot of her apprehension over the matter had to do with the fact that going from no kids to three kids in the house was terrifying to think about. 

Both Jo and Alex’s pagers lit up, breaking them out of their daze with a 911 page to Trauma 2. They both stood and exited the conference room, boarding an empty elevator that slowly began its journey downstairs. 

“Hey this probably means we get a case together,” Jo grinned at Alex, gripping his hand tightly. “We almost never get to work together anymore.”   
  
Alex froze then, Jo was right. They never got paged together, especially with Jo being a fellow who didn’t usually work on cases that came through the ER anymore. His heart dropped, realizing that maybe there wasn't a case and something was wrong. 

As soon as the elevator doors had opened, Alex knew he was right, Even from this far back, he could hear the screams coming from the trauma bay that he was all too familiar with. Jo broke her hand away from his, jogging as fast as she could towards Molly’s screams. 

“She got hit in the forehead with a block, she probably won’t even need stitches but I think the blood is freaking her out,” Owen is standing in front of Alex now, but he can barely process what he’s saying as Molly continues to scream. “We haven’t been able to calm her down since they brought her over.”

Alex pushes past Owen, following the screams until he’s standing behind Jo outside of the trauma room. He watches as Molly finally sees Jo, her screams turning into cries as she outstretches her hands towards her, “Mama! Mama, Mama!”

If Jo is fazed by Molly’s words she doesn’t show it as she surges forward and gathers the little girl in her arms, “It’s okay baby, you’re alright.”

Molly’s cries finally settle down to whimpers as Jo rocks her back and forth, allowing Alex to look at the cut on her forehead. Owen’s right, the cut is shallow and won’t need stitches, but Molly’s face is dripping with blood. He quickly cleans her up, watching as she slowly falls asleep on Jo’s shoulder. Once she’s out, Alex takes the toddler from Jo, watching as she collapses into a fit of tears. 

“I heard her screaming and I thought the worst. And she was covered in blood and I just…,” Jo takes a deep breath before a sob breaks from her throat, Alex pulling her into his chest as she continues to cry. He’d truly never seen Jo so upset, her body shaking as she curled into his embrace.

Alex knew then that he needed to convince Jo of what she couldn’t see, that she too had grown attached to the little girls that slept across the hall from them. Her fear was clouding her judgement, he knew damn well that Jo would be a great mother, she already practically was one to Sadie and Molly. Afterall, it was her who Molly had called out for and been comforted by.

Looking between Molly and Jo curled up against him, Alex couldn’t help but feel like things were falling into place for them. Everyday both Sadie and Molly taught him something new about being a parent and showed him that he didn’t have a reason to be scared about parenthood. He just hoped that Jo could see what he did… 

+

Three days after Molly’s ER run in, Alex is blindsided by a completely different situation. He’d just finished his work for the day and was about to find Jo and Molly when both of them showed up on the Peds floor.

“Hey, I was just about to go and find you two,” Alex leaned down to kiss Jo’s cheek, his tired brain finally registering the woman standing behind his wife. “Mom? What’re you doing here?”

“I came to surprise my son and daughter in law, but instead I found out that they’ve got two and a half kids they’ve been hiding from me,” Helen leaned up to kiss Alex’s cheek, chuckling at his sheepish expression. “Oh don’t feel bad dear, this little one has already buttered me up, haven’t you Molly?”

A nervous smile spread across Alex’s cheeks as he avoided his mom’s gaze. He had only recently told his mom that she was going to be a grandmother again, but he hadn’t mentioned how far along Jo was. He was certain that if the six month baby bump his wife was sporting wasn’t enough to shock her, that the toddler on her hip was.   
  
Alex looked from Helen to Jo, who shrugged at him to indicate that she was just as thrown off as he was. Turning back to his mom, he tried to look as sincere as possible, “Sorry mom, we’ve been… overwhelmed around here. But the girls aren’t ours, it’s just temporary.”   
  
“Why don’t we head back to the house? It’s almost time to pick Sadie up anyways,” Jo looked to Alex with a small smile, her expression calm as if to say she would handle the situation. “We can order pizza and you can show off the new house to your mom.”

The drive to pick up Sadie and back home was loaded with Alex and Jo filling Helen in on everything happening in their lives, including how Sadie and Molly had fallen into their laps. As soon as they’d picked up Sadie though, her and Helen couldn’t stop talking. The six year old had instantly bonded with ‘Nana Helen’ and had a million questions for her.

Once they arrived back at the house, Jo hurried the girls upstairs for a bath while Alex showed his mom around the new house. A smile appeared on Helen’s face as they walked into the bedroom that they’d made up for the girls, “You know you have that same sense about you that you did when you would take care of your siblings. Like you’d do anything for those girls.”   
  
“Well, I would, they’re special,” Alex tried to brush his mom’s comment off, but the words stuck with him. “Their case worker wants us to make it official, adopt them ya know? And Jo isn’t sold on it, but…”   
  
“But you are, you’re already hooked,” Helen let out a small laugh at Alex’s shocked face. “Don’t act so surprised, I am your mother after all. I know that you want to keep them, so does your wife even if she can’t see that. Have you seen the way her face lights up when Molly calls her mama?”

“Oh don’t get me started on that,” Alex chuckled, wrapping an arm around his mom and bringing her into his side. “I’ll win her over. Or the girls will… either way, I think you might get three new grandkids here soon.”

After dinner had finished, Molly and Sadie both found themselves cuddled into Helen’s side while the family watched a movie together. While Molly was invested in the movie, Sadie was watching with wide eyes as Helen knitted in front of her, “What is that going to be?”   
  
“It’s a hat for the baby,” Helen pulled at the green yarn, explaining the stitches to Sadie. “I figured he might need something to keep him warm since it’s so cold in Seattle.”

“That’s a big hat for a tiny baby,” Sadie mused, causing Alex to chuckle from across the room. “What’s so funny Alex?”   
  
“Nothing, the hat’s just big because Karev babies have extra big heads,” Jo’s hand comes up to slap Alex’s head, prompting him to look down at his wife who was stretched out across him. “What?! You’re the one that decided to procreate with me, you’ve seen my big ass head.” 

“Alexander Michael! Language! There's children here,” Jo’s tone makes Alex laugh, hearing his foul mouthed wife berate him for saying the word ‘ass’ well and truly undoing him. “Stop laughing at me, you’re insufferable.”

As Alex and Jo settled in for the night, all he could think about was what his mom had said to him earlier. Jo was laid out in bed already, palms resting on her belly, “You know I don’t get it.”

“Get what?,” Alex looked up from where he was brushing his teeth, eyeing his wife as she stared at the ceiling. 

“I don’t get how you can leave your baby, your own flesh and blood, at a fire station when they’re not even a week old. I could never imagine a world where making that decision makes sense,” Jo pauses for a moment, Alex watching as her mind works out her next words. “I can’t imagine doing that to our baby, I can’t even imagine doing that to Sadie and Molly and they’re not even ours. I just… I’ve been painting this picture in my head for years that my mom did the right thing but now I’m not so sure.”

Climbing into bed and wrapping his arms around his wife, Alex pressed a kiss to her neck, “You know I’ve been thinking.”

“Always dangerous words coming from you.”

“I think we should keep the girls, make it official,” Jo turned in his arms, her eyes blown wide as she met his pleading ones. “They’re doing so good here and they’re comfortable and-”

“Alex, in a few months we’re going to have a newborn,” Jo’s fingers looped through Alex’s to press against her stomach, as if to emphasize her point. “We agreed it was only temporary, three kids is a lot to take on.”

Knowing he’d either anger or freak out Jo if he kept pushing, Alex let out a sigh as he pressed a kiss into her head, “Okay, if you say no then it’s a no. I won’t ask again.”

He settles down then, his breathing evening out and his body almost asleep when he feels wet tears soaking into his shirt. Alex knows Jo’s mind is racing just the same as his, but she doesn’t want to entertain the same ideas that he has. Instead of bringing up his wife’s emotional state, he tightens his grip around her and rubs her back silently. 

+

“Nana I don’t want you to go, what if you just stayed with us forever?”

Helen chuckles at Sadie’s pleading tone as she zips up her suitcase. Both Sadie and Molly are perched on Helen's bed in the guest room, watching with sad expressions as she made sure she has everything. In the three days that she’d been in Seattle, both girls had grown closer to Helen than any of the adults could’ve anticipated. 

“I’m sorry sweetie, I have to get back home,” Helen sat between the girls, both of them immediately climbing into her lap. “But I do have a surprise for you two.”

Helen reached into her handbag and pulled out two bright green knitted hats, the same color as the tiny one she’d been working on the past few days. Both girls eagerly put the hats on, giggling as they looked at each other. 

“We look like teddy bears Nana,” Sadie swatted at the two pompoms on top of Molly’s hat with a grin. “And we match the baby’s hat!”

“Well I didn’t want you to feel left out,” Helen looked between the girls and sent a wink in Sadie’s direction. “I have a feeling that you two will be good big sisters.”

The girls spent a few more minutes enjoying Helens presence before Alex came in and interrupted, “Alright girls we gotta get Nana to the airport. If you come with us we can go to the park after.” 

Molly rushed to Alex's arms, the two walking out of the room as Sadie lingered behind and looked up to Helen with a worried expression, “Do you think next time you come back that me and Molly will still be here?” 

“You know what,” Helen leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sadie’s forehead. “I think you will be.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i titled this chapter 'i'm actually sorry this time' when I sent it to lay so there's that... anyways enjoy

“I went so high on the swing! Can we go again next week so I can go even higher,” Sadie’s excited voice rang out from the backseat of Alex’s car, causing him to chuckle at her enthusiasm. “Can we? Please Alex?”   
  
“I’m sure we can make it happen,” Alex turned to Jo, who was smirking at him. “What? Do you not wanna go to the park?”   
  
“No, you’re just totally wrapped around their little fingers,” Jo’s enthused face fell as she looked out the window. “What’s Martha doing here? Did we miss an appointment?”   
  
Sure enough, when Alex looked to their front porch, Martha was sitting out front waiting for them. Alex shook his head, pulling into the driveway and hopping out to greet Martha, “Hey, hope you weren’t waiting long. Did we miss a meeting? I don’t think we had anything scheduled.”   
  
“No it’s not that,” Martha smiled at Alex, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I found a placement for the girls.”   
  
His heart sank at Martha’s words, knowing that Sadie and Molly would be devastated. Both girls ran up behind him, two sets of arms wrapping around his legs as they giggled.

“Alex? What’s happening,” Jo’s voice was already hesitant and Alex knew if he turned around he wouldn't be able to handle the look on her face. “Alex?”

Martha spoke for him, informing all three girls that Sadie and Molly were going to a new home. Sadie’s arms wrapped tighter around Alex’s legs, Molly instead reaching up for Jo to pick her up.

“Mama! Mama up,” Molly’s voice seems to break Jo as she picks the toddler up, tears beginning to well in her eyes. She brushes past Martha and Alex, unlocking the door and walking inside without a word to either. “Mama why’re you crying? You sad Mama?” 

Alex follows Jo inside, Sadie still clutching desperately to him. He finally picks her up and takes her upstairs so he and Jo can pack their things up. They manage to get everything together fairly quickly, Alex grabbing the two large suitcases and hauling them back downstairs to load them into Martha’s car. When he turns back to the porch, Molly is clinging to Jo with her own tears collecting on her chubby cheeks. Sadie runs down the walkway to Alex, her arms wrapping around his neck as he bent down to catch her. 

“I don’t want to go, I wanna stay here with you and Jo,” Sadie’s voice is desperate as she looks up at Alex. “Please Alex, don’t make us go.”

“It’s not up to me kiddo,” Alex is doing a lousy job of keeping his voice steady as he carries Sadie down to Martha’s car and straps her in. “You gonna be good?”

Sadie nods silently, Alex placing a kiss on her forehead before shutting the car door and walking back up to the front door. He tries desperately to tune out Molly’s cries for Jo as his wife makes her own path up the driveway away from the little girl. The two stood in the doorway together, watching helplessly as Martha drove away. 

Once the car was out of sight, Jo stormed upstairs, her footsteps sounding loudly through the now empty house. Alex followed a minute later, the silence that surrounded him almost deafening. He already missed the laughter and songs that usually filled the space, realizing with a start that he and Jo had never lived in their new home alone. 

Stepping into their bedroom, Alex finds Jo curled up under the covers of their bed, eyes watery as she looks up at him. Kicking off his shoes, Alex crawls in behind Jo who turns and looks up at him. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Instead, she buries her face in his chest and loudly begins to sob.

+

“Jo, time to get up.”

Alex peeked out of the bathroom at his wife, who was curled up in bed still. He’d woken up, showered, and had a cup of coffee and Jo still hadn’t moved from her spot in bed. She was awake, but her eyes were trained on the wall in front of her. 

“Hey,” Alex sat on the edge of the bed, running his hands through Jo’s hair. “You gonna get up?”

Jo looked up at him briefly, shaking her head and burrowing further into the covers. Alex let out a sigh, eyeing his wife with worry. She’d been in bed for the majority of the past week, only getting up to pee every once in a while. She’d gotten food and showered when he went to work the day before, something he only knew because of the dishes in the sink and the damp towel on the rack in the bathroom. Unless it was absolutely necessary, she wouldn’t speak at all. Jo hadn’t said more than a few words to him since Sadie and Molly had left. 

“Can I get you anything before I go?,” Jo shook her head again, Alex reaching down to grab her hand and squeeze it reassuringly. Jo squeezed back, which he took as a good sign. “I love you, so much. Please don’t forget to eat something, you’ve got someone else depending on you.” 

Alex stood and slipped his shoes on, grabbing his jacket and bag. He turned back to Jo once more, noticing the tears welling in her eyes, “Babe... you wanna talk about it? I want to help you, but you have to let me in.” 

Jo didn’t answer, staring blankly ahead instead. A sigh left Alex as he turned and left the room, hand on the doorknob as he heard Jo speak finally, “I love you too.”

He knew she was upset, even if she didn’t verbalize it he knew that the girls leaving was hard for her. But for how long he’d known her, Jo had never shut him out like this. Alex wasn’t frustrated with his wife, he was just upset that she didn’t seem to want to let him in. She wouldn’t talk to him, but every night when he crawled into bed she would curl up into his chest and cry. 

Shutting the door of his car, Alex leaned against the steering wheel and let a few of his own tears go. He hoped by the time he came home later that day that he’d have a tangible way to help Jo out. 

+

“Hey what’s up with Jo,” Alex had just stepped out of a three hour surgery and wasn't in the mood for Meredith’s questions, especially after the morning he’d had. “Bailey just told me she’s taking a two week sabbatical, we were supposed to operate together today but she bailed on me. I thought it was a bit weird considering she’ll be on maternity leave in a few months but…”

Meredith’s words fade out of Alex’s brain as he freezes, his heart dropping. Jo hadn’t mentioned a break from work to him. In fact, she’d barely told him she loved him when he left. He’d seen her when he woke up and left for work, he’d kissed her forehead and told her he loved her, but that was it. 

“Alex? Where are you going? What’s going on,” Meredith called after him as he began to jog down the hall, but he couldn’t be bothered to answer her. “Alex! Where are you going?”

He doesn’t feel like his heart is actually beating as he changes his clothes and grabs his wallet and keys, shooting off a text to Bailey of his whereabouts. Alex is rushing out of the hospital, frantically dialing Jo’s number with no answer. The radio silence from her only increases his anxiety as he pulls out of the parking lot. He tries twice more before giving up, his nerves calming only slightly as he pulls into the driveway next to her car. He’s inside and up the stairs before he can blink, heart pounding loudly in his ears and reminding him that he’s really experiencing this.

“Jo, what the hell is happening,” as soon as he sees his wife frantically throwing clothes into a suitcase, he assumes the worst. His words don’t stop her, so Alex steps in front of Jo and grasps her shoulders. “Jo, talk to me.  _ Please. _ ”

“Let me go, Alex,” Jo tries to pry Alex’s hands off her, but he doesn’t budge. She tries to throw her hands into his chest then, angry tears welling in her eyes as she attempts to push him away. “Let me go. Alex let me go!”

“No! I’m not letting you go until you talk to me,” Alex’s voice is firm as he looks at Jo, his demeanor softening as she begins to cry. He pulls her into his chest, her hands falling from their defensive position to wrap around his torso. “Jo please talk to me, I know you’re struggling and I want to help you, but I can’t when you don’t tell me what’s wrong. I’m scared shitless right now that you’re going to walk out the door with our son and never come back and I’m going to have no idea why.”

Jo shook her head, moving her hands up to cradle Alex’s face as she met his gaze for the first time. Her eyes were bloodshot and teary, as if she’d been crying for hours by herself, “I would never do that to you and I’m sorry I made you think that. I just… I’m going to Pennsylvania, to find my mom. I have her address and my flight leaves in a few hours. I need to know, before I become a mom myself I just… I need to know.”   
  
A heavy sigh leaves Alex as he remembers the words she’d so casually slipped out a few weeks earlier. How had her mom abandoned her own daughter when she had trouble letting go of Sadie and Molly? Everything clicked in his brain then as he realized that Jo had demons of her own to face just the same as he did. While Sadie and Molly’s traumatic home life had brought his anxieties to light, the feeling of abandoning the two girls they'd both come to care for had hurt Jo more deeply than he knew. 

“Can I at least drive you to the airport?”   
  
Alex knew it would be pointless to try and fight Jo on her going, not that he would but he wanted her to feel supported if nothing else. And he knew she wouldn’t want him to go with her as much as he wanted to.

“That would be nice,” Jo leaned up to kiss Alex softly, her fingers caressing his cheeks as she stared at him with a sad expression. “I’m sorry I scared you. I promise I’ll always come home to you.”

Alex kissed Jo back deeply, his fingers coming up to wrap in her hair as he tried to convey how much he truly cared about her through their embrace. When he pulled back, a grin settled onto his face, “I know you will, I trust you. Plus this kid is gonna be all Karev, if you left you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> figured we needed this after whatever the hell the S17 premiere was. enjoy, i know the last chapter had a cliffhanger but i hope this makes y'all happy! :)

The plane ride to Philadelphia was torturous, to say the least. Jo’s goodbye to Alex at the airport had been harder than she’d anticipated, but she’d steeled her emotions and boarded the plane nonetheless. Her nerves were shot as she anxiously sat through the six hour plane ride, the baby in her stomach flipping and kicking her as if to remind her that she wasn’t alone. 

She wasn’t sure why she’d chosen to do this, to come out here and find out answers about a woman who hadn’t even attempted to contact her once in her 34 years of life. Deep down Jo thinks that maybe it’s because of her son, that there’s some desperate part of her that needs to understand what her mother had thought about before she holds her own child. But she knows, if she’s honest with herself, that this doesn’t have anything to do with the baby in her womb. No this trip, this mental cage that she’d locked herself in, had everything to do with the two little girls who were no longer sleeping down the hallway from her and Alex. 

Jo had always absently wondered why her mother had left her, but she’d never had the urge to track her down and demand answers. In her head, she’d painted a picture of a young desperate girl with no other options than abandoning her week old daughter at a fire station. She’d been content to leave it at that, to let her story end there. But as she’d stood on her front porch a week ago and watched Sadie and Molly leave, she knew she needed answers. If it physically pained her to let go of the girls who weren’t her own flesh and blood, how had her mother done what she had?

The plane touches down in Philadelphia bright and early on Saturday morning, giving Jo enough time to go to her hotel for a shower and a change of clothes before tracking her mother down. Her body is aching, she knows she should rest and let herself recover from the long flight but she can’t. She needs to know. So she presses her fingers against her stomach in an attempt to calm the little boy doing somersaults inside of her and punches in the address that Parker had found for her into her GPS. 

The house is nicer than she’d expected, two newer cars parked in the driveway of the two story home. Jo pushes any fear she still holds aside as she walks up the drive and rings the doorbell. It isn’t long before a young girl, high school aged maybe, answers the door. Jo has to hold her breath for a moment, noticing the similarities between her and the teenager standing before her. The girl, however, is unfazed as she stares quizzically at Jo, “Can I help you?”

“Umm yes,” Jo snaps out of her daze, eyes meeting the girls. “I’m looking for Vicki Rudin. Is she here? I mean, am I in the right place?”   
  
“Lexie, who’s at the door,” a middle aged woman appears behind the teenager, eyes widening as she takes Jo in. “Go upstairs, Alexandra.”   
  
Lexie, or Alexandra, seems to not want to argue as she silently leaves the entryway. Vicki steps onto the porch, closing the door behind her as she turns to Jo, “What are you doing here?”

“So you know who I am then?”   
  
“Of course I do, you look just like…,” Vicki looks over Jo, moving her gaze away quickly as she shakes her head. “Why are you here?”

Jo’s put off by the abrasive tone in Vicki’s voice, if anyone should be mad here it should be her, “I just wanted to talk. Can we do that? Talk?”   
  
“Not here,” Vicki’s eyes scan her surroundings, as if someone is watching her every movement. “There’s a diner, a few blocks away. I’ll meet you there if you really want to talk.”   
  
“Well I didn’t just fly out here from Seattle for my health, I can think of about a thousand other things to do with my limited free time,” the tone that Jo bites back with is bitter, eyes narrowing at the woman in front of her. “Fine, I’ll meet you there.”   
  
She walks back to her car, her worry and fear now replaced with anger and annoyance towards the woman she’d just met. She pulls her phone out, seeing a text from Alex:   
  


**10:38 AM**

_ Hope you two are doing okay. I love you. _

Even when she’d pushed her husband away, when she’d shut him out of her thoughts and feelings, he was still checking in on her and caring for her. She sends back a quick reply before pulling off the suburban street and heading to the diner Vicki had mentioned. The retro theming and aging waitresses reminds her of the restaurant downtown that Sadie and Molly loved to go to, where they’d beg Alex for quarters to play old songs on the Jukebox. The thought brings a small smile to Jo’s face as she settles into a table, ordering a hot tea from a waitress who stops by. 

Vicki walks in fifteen minutes later, eyes immediately falling to Jo and sliding into the seat across from her. She orders a coffee, fixing it with cream and sugar before she dares to speak up, “I'm late for work. Um... I work in the mayor's office. Try to create jobs for under-served communities.”   
  
The answer feels like a knife twisting in Jo’s chest as she watches the woman sitting across from her nervously twist her golden wedding bands. The gems on them are large and she wears a few more rings across her hands. Her nails are painted a dark blue, professionally done. These touches along with the suburban dream house and the fancy job all paint a picture Jo had never entertained. 

“You know, in my head, you worked at a diner half as nice as this. And you didn't graduate high school, or maybe you did but a year or two late because they don't let pregnant girls finish high school,” her hand instinctively falls to her own pregnant belly. Her son kicks at her hand, as if encouraging her to keep going. “And you scraped by somehow on... hard work and the kindness of strangers, but you had no one. You had nothing.”

“That would make it okay that I left you,” Vicki’s voice sounds hopeful as she stares at Jo. “I wanted you to have a better life than I could give you…”

“Nothing makes it okay,” Jo snapped. Her eyes light with a fire she didn’t know she was capable of feeling as she looks at the woman she’d pictured her whole life. “You know, I didn't have a better life. I wasn't better off. No one found me adoring parents who were dying for a newborn of their own to love. I lived in foster homes so bad, it was better to live in my car. And when a man finally told me that he loved me, I believed him, even when he beat the crap out of me so bad I couldn't see. So whatever life you had, tell me it wasn't better than mine.”

Vicki stares at her blankly and for a moment Jo doesn’t think she’s going to speak again, “You look just like me. You look… so much like the vision of myself that I had to look at for nine months and loathe.”

Jo reads between the lines of Vicki’s statement, fingers curling against her expanding abdomen protectively. Finally a picture begins to form in her head, one that paints a woman who couldn’t love their own child but didn’t have the courage to help them begin their life on the right foot, “Wow. You're just a monster, huh?”

“You don’t understand, you never would,” Vicki gestures vaguely to the silver bands on Jo’s left hand, her eyes narrowing as she brings them to meet hers again. “You probably have a supportive husband at home who holds your hand when you go to your doctor’s appointments. You don’t have to feel fear or regret or anger everytime you go to see your baby.”

The anger in Jo builds, it rises up her throat as she and Vicki hold each other’s stares. She couldn’t believe that this woman was talking about her baby, about Jo herself, like this, “It wasn’t enough to abandon me, you just have to rub the pain in huh?”

“Your father… he was a monster. You weren’t created from some magic moment of love, you’re here because some piece of scum didn’t understand the word ‘no’ as I screamed it over and over again while he forced himself on me,” Vicki takes a deep breath in, her own eyes welling with tears as she focused her gaze on her hands. “I was petrified every single moment of my pregnancy. I was so terrified... imagining that you'd be a boy and that you'd have his face and his voice. And every day, every kick, every movement, it just reminded me where you came from.”   
  
Jo’s heart drops so quickly that she feels as if she can’t breathe. Her own little boy kicks about in her womb, the feeling now foreign as she tries to make sense of what Vicki is saying. She’d never imagined, never entertained the thought that she was the product of sexual assault. But here was the reality of it all, slapping her in the face so harshly she almost felt as if her cheek stung. 

“But, you know, movies and books and... and magazines, they just kept talking about this...love that you feel the minute your baby is born. How instantaneous it is and how your heart just cracks wide open, and... I remember, I kept telling myself that as soon as I had you in my arms that I could do that and that I would do that. Other women did it, so why couldn't I,” Vicki lets a chuckle out then, the sound like nails on a chalkboard as her voice takes on a spiteful tone. “But it never did. No, it did… Everything they said was absolutely right. My heart cracked wide open. It was never just us, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did. It was just a reminder of him and I resented you… so much for it. I think I still do, looking at you now and seeing him in your eyes, seeing you… like  _ that _ and reminding me of the worst nine months of my life.”

The anger that had been on a slow boil in her chest now erupted as Jo spat at the woman across from her, “No you don’t get to say that, to blame whatever fucked up problems you have on me. You don’t get to blame an innocent child for what happened to you.”

“I did the best I could…”

“Bullshit, the best you could would've been to find an adoption agency and make sure I had a home and someone to love me, not toss me away like garbage,” Jo eyes Vicki before taking a breath and meeting her eyes. “I spent most of my life doubting everyone I ever met, leaving them before they could leave me. I am a grown woman with a job that I love and friends I love and a husband who loves me so much and a son and still... I was walking around, waiting, wondering if you would ever find me. If you would ever say that you're sorry. I don’t need that though, I can tell you’re not sorry for what you did.”

“I did the best I could,” the words have lost their meaning as they tumble out of Vicki’s mouth again. “I couldn’t look at you, I still can’t, but I tried to give you the best I could.”

“No you didn’t! I came here because I spent so many nights laying awake wondering how someone could throw their own flesh and blood to the side like you have, wondering how it was possible when…,” Jo swipes at her eyes, her mind bringing up visions of blonde curls and bright green eyes. “It didn’t make sense that you could do that to me when I would give anything for the little girls I have back in Seattle that aren’t even mine. I couldn’t comprehend how you could do that to your own daughter when I would die for two that aren’t even my own.”

A silence settled over Jo and Vicki, Jo’s mind racing as she thought about Sadie and Molly. They were the reason she’d come out here, to see her mother’s perspective on the beginning of her life in a light that she couldn’t envision herself. Sitting her now though, Jo knew the truth once and for all. She would never be able to understand giving your child up, circumstances be damned. 

“You didn’t do anything for me. I have gone my whole life thinking that you leaving me was the only thing you could’ve done, that you had no other option but I was... so wrong,” Jo stands then, fed up with Vicki and the bullshit excuses she keeps feeding her. “I am nothing like you, everything I am I built myself. I am a loving wife and a good friend and... and I am a mother. A damn good one, better than you will ever be. And I’m going to fly home and lay in bed next to my husband in the house that I worked so hard for and pray that I never make my children feel the way that you made me feel.”

Jo walks away, stopping a few feet away and turning back to stand in front of Vicki with her head held high, “Since you never bothered to ask, my name is Josephine. Doctor Josephine Karev and I know now that my life is so much better without you in it.”

She barely remembers to stop at her hotel and grab her suitcase, her mind a blur as she drives to the airport and rebooks her flight. By the time she lands in Seattle it’s pushing 10 PM, Jo hailing a cab and heading home as soon as she’s collected her baggage. She had been so angry, so upset with the woman who she shared half her DNA with as she fled Philadelphia. Now though, standing on the front porch of her and Alex’s home, she was sad and exhausted and all she wanted was her husband. 

Unlocking the front door, Jo pushed herself into the living room with the last bit of energy she had, a sigh leaving her as she leaned against the front door. She was shocked to see most of the lights on, assuming Alex was already in bed. 

“Jo?”   
  
Alex moves from his position at the top of the stairs, his feet taking the stairs two at a time as he realizes that Jo is actually standing in front of him. Jo hadn’t realized she’d been crying until Alex was standing in front of her wiping at the tears that had collected on her cheeks. 

“I am so sorry that I’ve been such a terrible wife,” Jo’s voice cracks as she meets Alex’s eyes, a sad expression on his face. “I should’ve just talked to you instead of freaking out but I thought… I thought going out there would give me closure or answers or… something. But it didn’t, it just showed me that I came from two horrible humans. And I know that I’m nothing like them but… 

“I just sat across from her and listened to her tell me that what she did was what she thought was best for me and all I could think about was how I could never do that to our son,” Jo takes a deep breath, tears flowing down her face again as she struggles to speak. “And then I thought about doing that to Sadie and Molly and I couldn’t stomach the thought of it, of never seeing them again. And that’s when I realized that I’m a better person because I didn’t know her. It just… took me a long time to realize that.”

Alex wraps Jo in his arms, letting her finally let out the emotions she’d been trying to conceal since she’d walked out of the diner.

“I’m sorry things didn’t pan out like you’d wanted them to,” Alex’s lips pressed against her forehead as she reigned in her emotions, wiping at her cheeks to clear her tears. His hand wandered down to her bump, cradling it as he smiled down at her. “For the record, I think you’re already a fantastic mom.”

“And for the record, you were right about Sadie and Molly,” Jo hesitantly met Alex’s eyes, a smirk already pasted across his face. “They belong here, with us. So we can call Martha and tell her that, because if there’s one thing that the past 24 hours has shown me it’s that I can’t imagine us without them now.”   
  
Alex wrapped an arm around Jo, ushering her upstairs, “Well we can call first thing tomorrow morning. For now, you two need to get to bed.”   
  
Jo was thrown off by Alex’s nonchalant response for a moment until they stepped into their bedroom. She turned to him with a smirk of her own, “You are a very sneaky man, did you know that?”   
  


“Mama!”   
“Mommy!”

“Oh I am so glad to see you two,” Jo settled herself onto the edge of their bed as Sadie and Molly both clambering onto her lap. “I missed you so much.”   
  
“Martha dropped them off this morning, they kept asking for us,” Alex rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “I was gonna call but I knew you were busy. But I figured you wouldn’t mind them coming back.”   
  
“Does this mean we get to stay forever? Does it,” Sadie’s innocent question brought tears to Jo’s eyes again, this round welcome as she stared down at the little girls sitting on her lap. 

  
“Do you want that? To stay here forever with us?”   
  
Both girls responded with a chorus of yeses, Alex and Jo’s eyes meeting over their heads. They exchanged a look before Jo turned back to the girls with a smile, “I think we can make that work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also feels necessary to say that i 100% think there are cases where adoption are necessary, but jo's anger has won out and was running her mind when she met her mom


End file.
